Gather round, it’s time for Game of Thrones Roll-Call . *SPOILERS* ARE COMING.
At long bloody last. The moment we’ve waited SIX YEARS for...

1. Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow - Present and steaming with sexual tension

GOT Jon snow and Daenarys

Okay, so maybe the tension was in our heads but can you blame us?! Imagine their kids for god’s sake! Anyway, we digress. What we’d hoped for was fast overshadowed by reality: their meeting (that lasted most of the ep) was not a warm one. And fair enough, they’re arch nemeses.

In summary:
-   Dany’s rock throne is seriously cool, but looks about as comfortable as the iron one
-   Dany has waaay too many nicknames
-   Dany thinks Jon should bow down because his ancestors promised the throne forever and their families used to be allies (despite the awful gear her crazy-ass dad did to his family), she’d be queen and he’d be Warden of The North
-   Dany asks Jon not to blame her for what shit her dad did so he asks if she can’t be blamed for her; dad, why should he have to honour his ancestors? Fair call
-   Jon brings up the urgency around the Army of The Dead and how that should be their communal focuses but Dany ain’t buying it, because of the faith she has in herself she can’t be killed. Did no one explain basic science to her...? Jon raises the very valid point that it’s all good and well if she wants to rule, but that’s kind of not a thing when your kingdom is full of dead people. But anyway, he needs Dragon Glass and all that so let’s get on with it
-   Ser Davos steps up as Jon’s #1 fan and points out that Jon didn’t earn the throne but the PEOPLE elected him, so there
-   Dany dangles casual treason at Jon explaining that by him claiming to king of the north kingdom,
    he’s a rebel and there are consequences for that. Guess we’ll find out what those are in a later episode?

2. A gang of hot, burley dudes - Present

Dany’s henchmen were in fine form this episode with all their tall, dark and handsomeness. Good news: it’s very likely they’ll be back too since Dany has offered Jon any labour he needs to mine the Dragon Glass.

3. Another nickname for Dany, courtesy of Melisandre and Lord Varys - Present


Cut to Melisandre and Lord Varys heatedly discussing why Melisandre is hiding since the arrival of Jon - cos she was involved in killing Ser Davos’ sweet little mate, Princess Shireen. She admits her remorse and that she’s off since she’s done what she was supposed to do: bring FIRE (aka Dany) and ICE (aka Jon) together!

4. Sansa Stark - Present and being a total boss

GOT Sansa and Littlefinger

How is Sansa getting along running the North? Like a boss. On the fly she comes up with a plan to get more food for the troops, shapes up the armour makers and generally walks around Winterfell with purpose. No surprises Littlefinger is hanging about dishing out advice. Thankfully it’s swiftly interrupted when Bran shows up with a reunion giving us SO many tingles, despite him being kinda cold and distant...

Q: Do we think Littlefinger has a bigger plan than being Sansa’s mister?

5. The Greyjoys, featuring Australia’s own Brendan Cowell - Present

GOT Euron

People love Euron! And even though he’s a total jerk, we get it. With Yara and two of the Sands in chains being paraded through the village, the crowd goes wild. And at last, Cersei gets her present: Ellaria Sand, but Euron doesn’t get his tasty reward until the war is won apparently. Standing proud as punch next to Jaime as the new head of the water, Euron can’t help but ask Jaime what Cersei likes in the sack. And thus, a very welcome rivalry is born.

Oh yeah, and Brendan Cowell was only in it for a sec when he rescued Theon from the water but we have high hopes that he’ll be back to represent.

6. The Lannisters - Present and in FINE form

GOT Jaime and Cersei Lanister

Each Lannister brought their A-Game this episode. Instead of “Stormborn”, this episode should’ve been called “The Lannisters... and Everyone Else”. From Tyrion working overtime giving basically every character a pep talk, to Cersei giving Ellaria the ultimate payback for Myrcella with the same kiss of death to her only remaining daughter (we’d clocked the bright lippy early, Cersei and now we know why) and letting Ellaria rot in a cell whilst watching Tyene slowly and painfully die. Heavy.

[ Break for ‘Brotherly Love’...😩 ]

But for us, it was Jaime that was MVP this episode. Just when we thought Dany was ahead sending the Unsullied to take Casterly Rock with Tyrion’s helpful sewer tip, and just when we think they’ve won the battle: BAM! Jaime and Cersei are one step ahead. Jaime has moved Cersei’s army to Highgarden to not only claim House Tyrell, but their gold to pay their debt to the Iron Bank.

The best bit of Jaime was when he came face-to-face with Granny Tyrell and how classy he was in handling her death. Cersei wanted her hanged in public and Jaime gave her painless poison instead. And THEN when Gran admits it was she who poisoned Joffrey (we know!!), he could’ve stabbed her but instead he just turned and calmly left the room to let her die in peace and private. You stay classy, Jaime Lannister.

A shout out to our favourite hero, Samwell Tarly for healing Mormont of his grey scale! What a national treasure. Mormont couldn’t be more grateful either cos now that he’s not off to cash in his chips, he can go back to his Khaleesi. Sweet.

Source: HBO

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