There's Danger Out There

Things that can hurt you, things that can kill you, things that can scare the life out of you. Here’s a list of things to avoid this summer.
Camping



If the wildlife doesn’t eat you and the falling trees don’t get you, then the bush fires will. Stay home and stay safe. There’s no reason to be sleeping in a thin canvas coffin.

Bushwalking



Do you know how many people go missing in the bush each year? Falling over cliffs, stuck in crevices, being buried alive by insurance-seeking spouses. Do not go to Northface and purchase all weather gear, stick to your onesie.

Swimming



Are you kidding? You’ve only got four limbs and you probably want to keep them all. Stay out of Australian waters – there are more killers in our waters than anywhere else in the world, with a list starting with great white sharks and crocodiles.

Mountain climbing



You are not in Point Break - you get vertigo standing on a foot stool. Plus there are no bars or cafes on top of lonely mountains, just hawks who want to peck your eyes out.

Venturing into the Woods



Without doubt, the most dangerous, deadly and stupid place you could go these holidays. You know when the sign says ‘Enter at your own risk’ and you enter anyway, then you’re basically a walking corpse.

If there is one thing scarier than venturing into the woods... it’s the unknown evil lurking there. THERE IS SOMETHING EVIL HIDING IN THE WOODS, you know who it is.... BLAIR WITCH.




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